Yes. And on multiple occasions.
But let me put this in context before making your judgment. If you want to skip my story, go all the way down to read my more concise explanation.
During most of my schooling, I strove to work for the best result. Do you see the one fighting to be first in class? Well that was me. So that a reputation as a studious and serious student began to stick to my skin.
But as the end of high school approached, I realized what I was missing by only thinking about work. So it was from the second that I changed my way of seeing things, and my behavior at the same time.
My first serious relationship
But it was certainly my first relationship that changed the man I am today the most. I had met her in high school, and after 4 months of procrastination, I finally got her first kiss. But you can imagine: discovering the feelings of love, the young man that I was at the time could not be satisfied with a simple kiss. So it was two months later that the deal was concluded.
This romance lasted 3 years, but only the first year was free from any fault.
Because this relationship gave birth to a certain confidence in me, I finally became aware of the young man that I was becoming. My physique was not the most unpleasant and I was starting to gain confidence. My emancipation started in second was then reaching its peak and I understood the role I could play in this environment.
I could not precisely trace the course of things.
But to sum it up briefly, when I was already starting to flirt with other young women, my serious relationship went to Paris for her studies. We had of course agreed to meet again as regularly as possible, but I already understood that my love life was going to change completely.
For two years I maintained this relationship at a distance, doing well on FaceTime or by text, taking care to erase all traces of my slippage when I went to visit him.
But behind the scenes was not the most beautiful. I cheated on this girl with nearly a dozen others. Some were younger, and softened by the charm of a young man taller than themselves, in full physical and mental development. Others, older, were charmed by my maturity and my charisma. Then aged 19, I rubbed shoulders with women aged 17 to 26, even going so far as to have an official mistress (who was aware of my serious relationship and even came to dine with my parents at the time).
But if I am telling you all this today, it is not out of pride but because I have carefully thought about it and I think I can draw some lessons from it.
If I acted like that, it was simply because I had the security of a serious relationship on the side. I wouldn't have had the same self-confidence and I wouldn't have been able to seduce these women without this girl next door. She gave me the attention I needed and the security of a relationship, which most of us strive for when entering a relationship. I was sure to find a listening ear, a loving and caring woman at all times, which took the pressure off of seduction.
That's why I acted this way and I think that's also why some people cheat on others.
I had that certainty and that security, so I could flirt without being afraid to come back empty-handed or derail a chance to close. I had less heart in the act, I acted in a more disinterested way and these women were titillated by this man who, for once, did not show them the interest which she used to receive. This selfless behavior made me even more desirable, because no matter what we say, we desire those who seem to resist us. To be conquered without peril one triumphs without glory.
Even if the young girl never knew it (which always escapes me by the way), all the other women were injured, all without exception. And my only regret is that I did not have the courage to come out of this relationship which no longer satisfied me at the time. I am sure that many of these women came out broken from these experiences and that they are still today on their guard because of the poor guy that I was at the time who did not dare to be honest and to show proof. of courage.
So if you are reading this because you are hesitating, know that you must always settle one thing before embarking on another. Too many people indulge in situations that weigh on them. Don't be like me back then, tell him things before you take a step you can't undo.
Amélie, even if you don't know, I'm sorry
Ps: I came back to this post after more than a year and take the opportunity to clarify a few points (in response to comments).
Do not think that I wrote this answer to remove any feeling of guilt or even to boast, far from it. I saw the opportunity to warn anyone who would be tempted to give in to this type of urge, anyone who would have questions (and to be honest, these few lines were also a kind of outlet for me).
This was my first love, and unfortunately it doesn't last forever. I only had this objective look a few years after this relationship (surely too late by the way). I have learned the necessary lessons from it, have lived since a beautiful and long fulfilling relationship (although interspersed with some returns of karma as a comment supposed). I am also convinced that we always pay for these bad actions in one way or another.
I think I take little risk by noting his first name as I write anonymously. I recently heard back from her and was happy to hear that all of her professional wishes had been granted. Amélie is doing very well today and I don't think our paths will ever cross again.